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Saturday, 26 January 2019

When Healing Doesn't Come

It's a hard place to be; it's hard to be a chronically ill believer. As a Christian, I believe in healing. I believe in miracles. God can and does heal. So, why am I not healed? It's a difficult question, one that does not come with definitive answers. God doesn't cause our sickness. He doesn't give us an affliction just so He can use it for something greater. I believe He does, however, use our afflictions for His glory and to further His kingdom, if we're willing.
Lately I have been thinking about this a lot. If I am believing for healing, if I am praying for healing, why am I still not well? I don't know the answer, but what I do know is what I feel God is calling me to do during this trial. He's calling me to trust Him. It's not easy to trust; it's not easy to let go of doubt and fear and trust that He has it under control, especially when you're crying out in pain or you wake up itchy with hives or you try to do a task that you no longer can do.
Some days I feel like my faith is stronger than others. And, some days I struggle to believe things will ever change. Some days I look forward to a future without pain, and others I fear for what tomorrow will bring. Why? Because I am human. But I know God is calling me to a greater level of trust as I navigate through this. I feel Him calling me to be still and know... To know He is God. To know He is bigger than any affliction, any obstacle, any sorrow or pain.
I have seen God use me in ways that would not have been possible without this illness. He has opened my eyes to a greater level of compassion for others and the ability to raise awareness for a cause that so desperately needs a voice. He has brought this family closer as we pull together to support one another. He has shown me the importance of my full reliance on Him, creating a desperation for Him like I've never had before. He has shown me that, though I am weak, in Him I am strong.
Now, please don't get me wrong; please do not think I am saying this is easy for me. I'm really struggling, if I'm being honest. This really is a day to day thing. But I am really trying to see the good that has come from all of this, and trusting that no matter what happens I have a Saviour who loves me and will never leave me.
Recently I have felt challenged to switch my focus from one of physical healing to a healing of my soul. I have many afflictions that are not physical; wounds that haven't healed and cause a different kind of pain. Perhaps it is time to pray for a different kind of healing. "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139: 23-24 (KJV)
What has God  been teaching you or already taught you through your own trails and tribulations?

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