Sleep

Sleep. It is SO important. I never thought I would value it so much. And, I won't EVER take it for granted. Insomnia started for me (in full swing) after the birth of my second child. Before that, I had trouble sleeping but not like this. I didn't have a clue what was wrong with me when it first started happening, but unfortunately it became my normal.

The last few days for me have been hard. Last night was night 4 of no sleep (roughly a combined 11 hours of broken up sleep over 4 nights). So, as you can imagine, I'm not doing all that well.

Because it has been so long since I had a decent sleep, my body is finding it harder and harder to relax. It is in high alert and will not calm down. It amazes me how you can be so tired but your body will not allow you to sleep. I woke up an emotional mess  and just started crying. Lack of sleep wreaks havoc on your mind and emotions. I watched as my family headed to church without me (which is a first for us) and it hurt to not be able to go with. But I feel weak and tired and thought it best to stay home and rest.

It hurts missing out on things with your family, or just missing out on life in general. But, I am trying to not beat myself up too much. I am using every last bit of energy in me to cling to the promises of God. Psalm 4:8 says "In peace I will both lie down and sleep, For You alone, oh Lord, make me dwell in safety". Even though I can't see things happening in the natural, I need to trust in Him and His word. He alone sustains me.

My husband keeps reminding me to not give up and to keep fighting. Some days it is hard to fight. But the Lord is my strength, His grace is sufficient for me. And on days when I don't feel like believing that and feel like giving up, He gives me an extra dose of grace and somehow lifts me up and gives me enough strength to push through and keep going.

After not sleeping for this long, your mind starts to tell you that you're not going to sleep and the cycle continues. I am already fighting the thoughts for tonight. My body needs rejuvenation. It needs rest. It needs healing. I need healing. I know my God is able, so I will stand firm on His promises and I will not be shaken.

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

Psalm 62: 1-2