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Saturday, 26 January 2019

When Healing Doesn't Come

It's a hard place to be; it's hard to be a chronically ill believer. As a Christian, I believe in healing. I believe in miracles. God can and does heal. So, why am I not healed? It's a difficult question, one that does not come with definitive answers. God doesn't cause our sickness. He doesn't give us an affliction just so He can use it for something greater. I believe He does, however, use our afflictions for His glory and to further His kingdom, if we're willing.
Lately I have been thinking about this a lot. If I am believing for healing, if I am praying for healing, why am I still not well? I don't know the answer, but what I do know is what I feel God is calling me to do during this trial. He's calling me to trust Him. It's not easy to trust; it's not easy to let go of doubt and fear and trust that He has it under control, especially when you're crying out in pain or you wake up itchy with hives or you try to do a task that you no longer can do.
Some days I feel like my faith is stronger than others. And, some days I struggle to believe things will ever change. Some days I look forward to a future without pain, and others I fear for what tomorrow will bring. Why? Because I am human. But I know God is calling me to a greater level of trust as I navigate through this. I feel Him calling me to be still and know... To know He is God. To know He is bigger than any affliction, any obstacle, any sorrow or pain.
I have seen God use me in ways that would not have been possible without this illness. He has opened my eyes to a greater level of compassion for others and the ability to raise awareness for a cause that so desperately needs a voice. He has brought this family closer as we pull together to support one another. He has shown me the importance of my full reliance on Him, creating a desperation for Him like I've never had before. He has shown me that, though I am weak, in Him I am strong.
Now, please don't get me wrong; please do not think I am saying this is easy for me. I'm really struggling, if I'm being honest. This really is a day to day thing. But I am really trying to see the good that has come from all of this, and trusting that no matter what happens I have a Saviour who loves me and will never leave me.
Recently I have felt challenged to switch my focus from one of physical healing to a healing of my soul. I have many afflictions that are not physical; wounds that haven't healed and cause a different kind of pain. Perhaps it is time to pray for a different kind of healing. "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139: 23-24 (KJV)
What has God  been teaching you or already taught you through your own trails and tribulations?

Friday, 4 January 2019

Junk-less Food!!


I have been thinking about writing this post for a while now but, well, life has gotten in the way. I wanted to address any misconceptions about paleo kids missing out. Well, I am here to assure you that they are not!! I am going to share with you some yummy, kid friendly, junk (or, junk-less) food! So, here are a few of my kids' personal favourites. First up, PIZZA!! Yes, you can enjoy delicious pizza without all the junk. I like to use this pizza crust https://www.paleorunningmomma.com/paleo-pizza-crust-grain-free-dairy-free/ and then top with whatever toppings we have on hand and LOTS of grass fed cheese!! I have used a boxed paleo pizza crust, but we all much prefer the homemade. 



On my kids' birthdays, they get to choose their own meal. My oldest son chose his favourite this year, pizza and nachos! We don't eat grains (unless they're sprouted occasionally) so we like these grain free taco chips. They're great for nachos, and we love them crushed on our taco salad!



In the summer ( and all year around as well) we love burgers on the grill!! It wasn't actually that hard to switch everyone from eating buns to going bun-less. Occasionally I'll make some paleo biscuits that we will use for a bun, but they're great without as well!! And we LOVE eating them with organic potato fries baked in the oven with avocado oil! We serve them with some yummy honey sweetened ketchup. This was my youngest child's birthday pick this year. Mmmm… now I want fries...



My absolute favourite (and my daughter's birthday pick this year) is tacos! We often eat taco salad, but we absolutely LOVE tacos with homemade cassava flour tortillas!!


One of our most favourite meals right now is paleo chicken strips and sweet potato fries! 








Another favourite is this good old comfort food- shepherd's pie! I like to sneak cauliflower into those fluffy potatoes.



And, we definitely are not lacking in the dessert department. I have a real sweet tooth, so I like to bake yummy treats! We use only raw, local honey or pure organic maple syrup to sweeten things. The kids are so awesome at not complaining (and, in fact, their treats are usually better tasting than what other kids are eating anyway!!)  We bring along our own treats and snacks when we're out and about, at church functions or birthday parties, and the kids never miss out.


I love nourishing my family with healthy foods, and I also love that we don't have to sacrifice yummy foods! So, rest assured, paleo kids don't do so bad. 




Sunday, 14 October 2018

Sleep

Sleep. It is SO important. I never thought I would value it so much. And, I won't EVER take it for granted. Insomnia started for me (in full swing) after the birth of my second child. Before that, I had trouble sleeping but not like this. I didn't have a clue what was wrong with me when it first started happening, but unfortunately it became my normal.

The last few days for me have been hard. Last night was night 4 of no sleep (roughly a combined 11 hours of broken up sleep over 4 nights). So, as you can imagine, I'm not doing all that well.

Because it has been so long since I had a decent sleep, my body is finding it harder and harder to relax. It is in high alert and will not calm down. It amazes me how you can be so tired but your body will not allow you to sleep. I woke up an emotional mess  and just started crying. Lack of sleep wreaks havoc on your mind and emotions. I watched as my family headed to church without me (which is a first for us) and it hurt to not be able to go with. But I feel weak and tired and thought it best to stay home and rest.


It hurts missing out on things with your family, or just missing out on life in general. But, I am trying to not beat myself up too much. I am using every last bit of energy in me to cling to the promises of God. Psalm 4:8 says "In peace I will both lie down and sleep, For You alone, oh Lord, make me dwell in safety". Even though I can't see things happening in the natural, I need to trust in Him and His word. He alone sustains me.

My husband keeps reminding me to not give up and to keep fighting. Some days it is hard to fight. But the Lord is my strength, His grace is sufficient for me. And on days when I don't feel like believing that and feel like giving up, He gives me an extra dose of grace and somehow lifts me up and gives me enough strength to push through and keep going.

After not sleeping for this long, your mind starts to tell you that you're not going to sleep and the cycle continues. I am already fighting the thoughts for tonight. My body needs rejuvenation. It needs rest. It needs healing. I need healing. I know my God is able, so I will stand firm on His promises and I will not be shaken.

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
Psalm 62: 1-2

Tuesday, 25 September 2018

Fighter

I have been on the verge of a full out relapse for over a week now. Well, not sure you can even call it a relapse because I wasn't in remission as it was. But, things have gotten worse than they had been. Unfortunately, that's how this illness works.  The physical relapse had gotten me so down that mentally I had not been doing well, either. But, I am determined to not give up. I went through some dark days but I kept remembering what (who) I was fighting for.




I mean, look at them!! My family (you can even see my amazing husband in the background). When I took this picture. I was in so much pain I could barely stand up. This past Saturday was my youngest's 4th birthday. We celebrated the night before with cupcakes and presents, but I had not been well all day (and thankful the cupcakes had been baked the day before), and by the time grandparents arrived I was barely mobile.
I managed to make it through presents (removing myself once in the middle of it all to conceal the tears that were falling, trying desperately not to show my kids my pain and ruin the party). Once cake was served (which I couldn't even sample), I headed up to bed while the kids were occupied by all of the new gadgets.



I laid there and just wept; I wept from the pain, but also from the guilt I felt for spending my little boy's birthday party in my bed. I felt awful. I felt like a terrible mom. I felt like the kids deserved better. And then my wonderful husband, my hero, came up to lay with me, to let me cry and vent, but then also to talk some sense into me. I am so very thankful for this man.
A couple of days later, I was asked to speak at a Lyme fundraiser. I was so grateful for the opportunity but I was also still not myself mentally. When I got up there, I said what was on my heart. But, once we left, I felt like I didn't say enough. I didn't do enough. I felt like I hadn't done what I went there to do. But, as the evening unfolded and I was at home beating myself up, I received 3 different messages from complete strangers who had heard me speak and it was clear to me that my voice was in fact heard. I learned a valuable lesson: I cannot trust my own thoughts.
Well. I feel like I can't just leave it at that, you need a recipe!! I tweaked this vanilla cupcake recipe that I made for my husband's birthday to accommodate my little guy's request for chocolate cake. I omitted the vanilla (mostly because I didn't have any on hand) and added some organic cocoa and some stevia sweetened chocolate chips.

As you can see, he thoroughly enjoyed them :)


My head is feeling a little more clear and I feel like the dark cloud is lifting. My body is still struggling, but I am thankful I that I feel the ability again to fight. When my mind wanders it's hard to keep pushing forward, but I am a fighter.



Wednesday, 22 August 2018

Friend Of Sinners

Recently I had the opportunity to be a part of a tv crime series based on true crimes that happened in the US. At first I was very excited about doing something like this, but once I was given the role a number of things started to come into play that tried to grip me in fear: What if I'm not well that day? What if I can't do it and let everyone down? These are legitimate fears for someone with chronic illness. BUT there was another fear gripping me, what will people think? Should a Christian woman be playing the role of a victim who was brutally raped and murdered? What will my friends say?
The first fear, the fear of being too sick to perform, is a fear I have whenever I come across anything where I need to be reliable or do any type of task, really. And unfortunately it is just my reality. Whether it's starting a support group for others going through the same things as me or speaking at a marriage conference, the struggles I face can be overwhelming. Thankfully I have a husband that goes wherever I go and helps me in every conceivable way, who makes sure I have what I need and helps me get through it. We've even nicknamed our marriage "Team Awesome". You can laugh, but it's true.
The morning before filming I made sure to rest as much as possible to give my body the best possible chance at being able to make it through the afternoon.Yesterday, on set, the crew was amazing at making sure I had what I needed, and my husband was there watching and supporting me every step of the way. The director was gracious about allowing me a million bathroom breaks since my bladder doesn't allow me to wait long periods of time. The crew was amazing at running to get things for me and not making me walk. The fear of being too fatigued to go on did become a reality, but thankfully by then my character had already died and I was able to lie in the back of a semi truck while they filmed my "dead" body. My part was over within 3 hours, so I made it through then got home and dropped. But the experience was worth it.
Now, the other fear. The fear of what people think. This is HUGE because in the past I've really struggled with what people think. This post is in no way an attempt to sway anyone's opinion on what I did. It is, however, intended to show a different perspective and maybe get you thinking. Should a Christian woman play a prostitute in a film? Should she be part of a re-enactment of a brutal crime, where a woman was brutally raped and strangled to death by a serial killer? I'm not sure where you are on this, or if this post has a place on a healing blog, but this just has to be said.
I got this part because I somewhat resembled a particular victim. Really it was my short blond hair and the fact that, at least on camera, I could pull off a 25 year old female. The excitement of being on a real tv show sort of kept me from thinking about what the actual role was at first. I mean, I wanted to be a movie star for almost my whole life! But once I started to ready myself for the role, I started to think differently. I looked at the picture of this woman over and over, studying her face and imagining what she was like. This woman was a real person, she wasn't a woman who played the role of a prostitute in a movie. She was the real person, I was the actress portraying her. So, let me tell you what I got from this experience.
This poor woman was a lost, hurting soul. She likely had (or felt she had) nowhere to go and no one to turn to. She was desperate. Whether she had put herself in this position or had been put there didn't matter. She was still a person. She felt joy and sadness, she felt pain. As I laid there being strangled by her killer, I kept thinking this woman actually endured this. She died not knowing she had a Father who loved her and didn't care what she had done. A Savior who cherished her beyond anything she could ever imagine. She died lonely and defeated. Nobody wants to sell their body to strangers to make enough money to get by. On the last take of the strangling scene, I actually couldn't breath. I was supposed to struggle and try to fight the man off of me and in doing that I must have held my breath too much and struggled to get air myself. What this woman felt was much, MUCH worse than that. When I woke up this morning I felt like I had actually been attacked because I was (and am) actually in pain from the struggle. What she went through was real, and yet my fake attack left me feeling the affects. So, the pain she went through must have been excruciating. She had no one to yell "CUT", and couldn't ask to "take a break". She offered her services to a man she was hoping to make a quick buck off of and be on her way. She wanted to be hidden, not be dragged across the news as a prostitute who had been murdered, while people would say things like, "well, what did she expect?" No on deserves this.
This woman's face will forever be embedded in my mind and, whether you think it odd or not, I feel honoured to have been a part of bringing her story to light. She didn't "get what she deserved". She deserved to be loved, to be valued, to have someone (like, ahem, a Christian woman??) tell her about a Father in heaven that could wipe her slate clean and give her new life if only she would let Him in. Because, let's face it, we're all dirty. We're all filled with sin. Everywhere you look in the Bible, Jesus spent time with sinners-liars, cheaters, murderers, adulterers, prostitutes. Nobody is too unclean to be saved. I will look at these women differently from now on because I will not see a prostitute, I will always see the face of Tina.
The people I worked with yesterday were pretty amazing. The intention of this crime series is not to parade these victims around and make up stories of what the killers did. In fact, nothing unnecessary is even put into the scenes. The intention is to tell the stories of the victims, to show what they went through, to make the viewer have compassion. The director didn't want anything in the film to be "lewd" (his words). He made sure that everyone involved was completely comfortable with everything they said and did, and if they weren't it would be changed. I was amazed at how everyone conducted themselves and how respectful everyone was. I got into a discussion with the director about the beauty of child birth and spoke about my husband and children as much as possible. My husband watched everything that happened and supported it all. The crew patiently allowed us to watch the scenes afterwards to make sure we were comfortable with the shots. It was truly an amazing experience and I honestly feel blessed to have been a part of it.
So, whether you agree with me or not, or whether you yourself would take part in such a thing, remember this: Jesus is the friend of sinners. He loves everyone, no matter what they've done. Nobody is too far gone to be saved. And, we are His hands and feet. We are here to bring the Gospel to His people, to share His love with everyone.

Wednesday, 1 August 2018

What's For Dinner

I've said this before-I'm a sucker for potatoes. They're seriously my all time favourite food, in all forms. I know I shouldn't eat them because, well, starch. They're definitely not ideal for someone trying to keep inflammation down. But they're my comfort food so I have to make it work for me. So I wanted to share how I do that!


First of all I try (and I emphasize the word "try") to limit them all together. But when I do eat them, I like to prepare them in a way that gives me the leave negatives and the most benefits.


First of all, I cook them in the instant pot. Cooking them this way turns them into resistant starch (the good starch that is easier for the body to digest). I keep the skins on for some yummy prebiotic goodness, and I add some good fats like grass fed butter and avocado oil. I like to add bone broth and3or homemade coconut milk as well. And I ALWAYS add some raw garlic for more prebiotics, and some shredded cauliflower to get in some hidden veggies. This way I can feel a little less guilty about eating my favourite food.


The whole family has been enjoying shepherd's pie lately, and we're eating it again tonight! It's such a quick and easy meal (which I also love). Throw those perfectly prepared potatoes on top of some grass fed ground beef, add a little (or a lot) grass fed cheese and bake! Oh my word, so good!! Tonight we are pairing this with roasted broccoli, yum!!




I also made this yummy soup the other day using those yummy potatoes. I sautéed some garlic and avocado oil in the IP for a couple of minutes then threw in some potato chunks and cauliflower and sautéed a couple of minutes more. Then I put chicken bone broth in and coconut cream, put in some salt and pepper and turned it on pressure cook for 12 minutes. Once it was done I stuck in my hand emulsifier and creamed that soup until there were no more chunks. This was the best soup ever! We ate it with this grain free pizza crust https://www.paleorunningmomma.com/paleo-pizza-crust-grain-free-dairy-free/  topped with grass fed butter and garlic. Of course we topped our soup with grass fed cheese because, well, why not??!! I think this soup would be amazing with broccoli in it as well!



What is your favourite paleo dinner?

Monday, 30 July 2018

Detox

This weekend was a busy one. It was both physically and mentally draining, and I didn't eat as well as I would have liked.  My husband and I attended a wedding on Saturday evening out of town. I ate the best I could, filling my plate with vegetables and salad. But when you're used to an extremely strict paleo diet, even eating a conventional salad dressing is considered cheating. When we left just after the dinner, I became extremely fatigued and a headache soon followed. The next day was a long one. After church we headed to the park to attend a Lyme fundraiser (which was absolutely wonderful) and we were around a lot of people which drains me quite easily. Immediately after the fundraiser we headed to my dad's house for supper. Again, I didn't eat the cleanest, though I tried my best (I'm seriously a sucker for mashed potatoes and gravy). When we got home that evening my hips, legs, and back hurt so much I could barely stand it. When I woke up this morning I felt like I had been hit by a truck. It's amazing what being mentally drained can actually do to your body.


As a family we try to rest and spend time together on Sundays, so when Monday morning comes there's usually a lot to catch up on. This morning I asked the kids to carry the laundry baskets up from floor 4 to floor 1 (why did we buy a house with 4 floors??!) because I just can't carry them up the stairs. As I sat sorting the laundry, I was hurting so much and I just knew I needed to be careful today. I don't always stop myself and often push too far but today I made a wise decision. I finished the laundry then drew myself a bath! Detoxing is imperative for me and, I'll admit, I don't do it nearly as much as I should. I figured it was an important time to have a detox bath because of the not so clean food I consumed over the weekend (even if it was only a small amount) and with the pain I was feeling.


If you've never had a detox bath it is a great, easy, and relaxing way to draw the toxins out of your body. I like to dry brush before I get into the tub. Not only does this stimulate your lymphatic system but it also clears your pours to let those toxins out. Get a good quality soft brush (not a synthetic one) and brush your dry body starting at your feet and hands and brush towards your heart. Once you are done you are ready for the bath!


All you really need are some Epsom salts (make sure to choose one that has just the salt in it). I like to add some non aluminum baking soda which also helps draw out the toxins. I also add some lavender essential oil ( add it to the salts first and mix, as the oil will not mix in the water), and also a dash of ascorbic acid (aka vitamin C) because this will neutralize the chlorine in the tap water. If you don't have a whole house filtration system you might want to consider adding this to your bath so you're not bathing in chemicals. I add all of this to a warm bath and soak for at least 20 minutes. And, listening to some music is an important addition to my detox bath because I have a hard time relaxing for that long!






Do you have a good detox routine?